what you can do with a man bag

So I was cleaning out some junk from my Jack Spade man bag today. I found this awesome little booklet of “Jack Spade General Information” that will surely be useful while I’m out in the field with my bag:

• Radio codes, you know like 10-4 and stuff. My favorite is 10-62: “Unable to copy, please call on the phone.”
• Lost credit card phone numbers (seems sensible enough).
• Number of miles to New York City from Ann Arbor, Boston, Buffalo, Chicago, … and a bunch of other American cities. Even hitchhikers need stylish bags, right?
• Material dumping angles: ashes (dry) 33 degrees, ashes (moist) 36 degrees, clay 30 degrees, … and it goes on. I don’t really get how this works though. Are these the ideal angles at which I’m supposed to be dumping these materials from my bag?
• Manure guide: shows primary nutrient contents (water, nitrogen, phosphate , and potash) for cow, horse, sheep, pig, goat, and chicken manure. Chicken manure is also broken down by wet, sticky, caked, moist, crumbly, and dry varieties. There’s also a handy chart with the best season to apply each type!
• Illions chart: shows the various magnitudes of order from million to duodecillion.

Clearly I’m not adventurous enough with my man bag because mostly I just use it to lug my laptop to and from work. This year is the year when I use it to its full potential! I have an image of myself standing in a field shovelling manure into the dirt wearing knee high rubber boots and my red Jack Spade man bag. I think this is my calling.